So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Porn is love you can see.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
