well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
