i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
