whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can text with my tongue
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
