I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
