yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
