If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have aggressive nipples.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
