It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
