I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
