Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
People in love make me want to vomit
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
