I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
