Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
