I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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