I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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