Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
