Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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