just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
