there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
