I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
