I love black thongs
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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