u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
