yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
