i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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