Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
