She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
