nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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