I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
