Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
