So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize