I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
