I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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