Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
