I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
