I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize