he wants to bone in the snuggie
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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