I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
