My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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