I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
