Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
