hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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