Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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