Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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