i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
