apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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