If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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