Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Randomize
