I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
