we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
