please come you make the beer taste better
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
