I'm pants shitting drunk right now
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
