I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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