I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
