I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
