So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
