id be glad to
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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