One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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