So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
