I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I bet he comes in French.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
