My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Randomize
