Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize