I seem to have left my pride at pride
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just pee around me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
