And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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