I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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