I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I currently don't understand fingers.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
