just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
