How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i love accidental penises.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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