If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
