My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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