I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
