so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
