Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Randomize
