it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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