Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
