OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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