I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
