I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
