Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
