I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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