mondays should just be called national damage control day
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize