there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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