hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
