My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
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