Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
We just shotgunned beers for America
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
