Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
