you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
