plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
