i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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