Don't you send me to vm
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
