3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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