Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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