i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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