i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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